35 Reasons Why Cucumbers Are Better Than Men

  1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches longer.

  2. Cucumbers stay hard for 2 weeks.

  3. A cucumber won't tell you that the size doesn't matter.

  4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.

  5. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.

  6. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket and you know
     how firm they are before you take one home.

  7. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.

  8. You can go to a movie with a cucumber and see the movie.

  9. At a drive-in, you can stay in the front seat - a
     cucumber can always wait until you get home.

 10. A cucumber won't ask: "Am I the first?"

 11. A cucumber won't tell other cucumbers that you are not a
     virgin any longer.

 12. With a cucumber, you don't have to be a virgin more than
     once.

 13. Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or make you
     go to bed with your boots on.

 14. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.

 15. You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.

 16. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful discussions.

 17. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynaecologist,
     skiinstructor or hairdresser.

 18. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are
     other cucumbers in the fridge.

 19. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh
     cucumber.

 20. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.

 21. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.

 22. Cucumbers can stay all night and you won't have to sleep
     in the wet spot.

 23. Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your
     chest, or drool on the pillow.

 24. Cucumbers won't leave you wondering for a month.

 25. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.

 26. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your
     liquor.

 27. Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.

 28. With a cucumber the toilet seat is always the way you
     left it.

 29. A cucumber will never leave you for:
     - another man
     - another woman
     - another cucumber.

 30. You won't find out later that your cucumber:
     - is married
     - is on penicillin
     - likes you, but loves your brother.

 32. You don't have to wait until half time to talk to your
     cucumber.

 33. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.

 34. It's easy to drop a cucumber.

 35. No matter how you slice it, you can have your cake and
     eat it!